What is the hardest part of forgiveness?
Have you ever forgiven someone, and the pain from what they did still keeps coming up? Or maybe you have hurt someone, and regret attacks you on the pillow as you try to sleep.
I have forgiven much.
I have been forgiven much.
Something always remains – a residue that needs some cleaning up. A broken heart or a broken body, sin leaves its mark.
I am NOT a psychologist, a therapist, or attempting to be one. But, I have experienced needing to forgive others. Most of the time, when I forgive, there remain things to reason out with God and be healed by God.
Don’t miss this part!
Our healing won’t be possible unless we forgive. If you are standing with your arms crossed shouting, “I am fine!” and have not forgiven, you are not healed.
Side Note
Have you ever said, “I can never forgive this person for this one thing”?
God requires it from you, complete forgiveness of everyone for everything. This is what Christ died for, each and every sin that ever has and ever would be committed. When we don’t forgive, it is saying Christ’s sacrifice was incomplete.
Forgiving reveals God’s fingerprint upon your life; your spiritual DNA comes from Heaven’s zipcode. You are part of God’s testimony when you forgive.
Lastly, there are no exceptions to God’s command in this area. Nowhere in the bible does it say, “Michele (<— fill in your name) does not have to forgive so-and-so”.
What Forgiveness Isn’t
Forgiveness is not making the offense okay. It was a wrong act when it happened and stands as a wrong done.
Forgiveness is not allowing repeated bad behavior against you.
Forgiveness is NOT forgetting. It is humanly impossible to make yourself forget an offense. BUT, you do not need to dwell upon it. Who does it serve to sit in the pain of the memory? It steals your joy, energy, and purpose for today.
Who does that sound like, someone who came to steal, kill, and destroy? That would be the devil.
Forgiveness is the Balm
Years ago, I broke my wrist, requiring resetting it (ouch) and a firm brace to be worn for six weeks. After six weeks, I could remove the brace for therapy and, at other times to regain my strength. During the healing, I needed pain medication. Next over-the-counter pain relievers were helpful, especially after the physical therapy appointments.
Think of the act of forgiveness as the brace, correcting things for the long run. But before the complete healing, there will be pain. There will be obstacles and changes to living that must be made.
Pray from others; prayers for yourself can be your medication. Time in the word, listening to a worship song, or a walk can make room for perspective and more healing.
Cry. Yell. Write in a journal. Please, be kind to you, and don’t store up hate in your heart.
But when your pain spikes, and it likely will, do not mistake it for unforgiveness if you have forgiven. Days or weeks after my injury, the pain would flair in my wrist. The pain now signified I was on the road to recovery, not at the moment when the injury occurred.
The size of the pain may reveal the size of the wound, but you are headed toward healing once you forgive.
Back on Track
God, As I extend your gift of forgiveness to another, help me heal from the wound created. I trust that one day I will see how you will use the testimony for your purpose. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
If you would like help with boundaries in relationships, I have learned much from the work of Dr. Henry Cloud. He has books and an online platform offering sound advice with a biblical perspective. He may have other resources; these are simply the ones I have used.
What are your thoughts on forgiveness? I would love to hear.
Until next week, keep Walking on Mustard Seeds,
Michele Marie Weisman
Photo by Maria Cappelli on Unsplash (locks)
Photo by Ambrose Chua on Unsplash (stairwell)
Photo by 愚木混株 cdd20 on Unsplash (arrow)
Michele, it’s amazing to see this post within hours of your revelation to the writing group of your struggle with forgiveness and how to move forward into healing, within you and with those struggling with you. This is a wise reminder that things like this need time, distance, and perspective. It’s most helpful for those of us going through similar situations. Thank you and blessings!
I think, the ability to forgive has to do with individual character. Some people get over hurt easily while others almost never forgive. Women have a harder time, it seems, with forgiveness. It’s a good thing we have the Holy Spirit to walk us through it, to help us be as Jesus commands: forgiving.
A great perspective about the healing process.. “ But when your pain spikes, and it likely will, do not mistake it for unforgiveness if you have forgiven. Days or weeks after my injury, the pain would flair in my wrist. The pain now signified I was on the road to recovery, not at the moment when the injury occurred.”
Thank you so much. I am grateful that it resonated with you.